I AM GRATEFUL

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for the people in my life!

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Self-Acceptance

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Have you ever wanted to fit in so badly, you lose yourself completely?   My desire for acceptance started as far back as when I was 7.  I wanted the acceptance from my brother.  I would beg to go fishing and hunting with him and my dad.  My father always let me go, however my brother NEVER embraced the idea and teased me endlessly.  By the time I was in the sixth grade, not only was I striving to get the best grades (just like him), but I was playing every “boy” sport there was to participate in.  I became a tom boy and it was then that I started to lose myself.  In the 7 th grade, I cut my waist length hair to my shoulders and after my father saw it, he wouldn’t speak to me for days.  Little did I know the effect the two most important men in my life would have on me, by the age of 13, neither accepted me and that is when I believed I was not enough.  I have dealt with countless men who have  put me down, threatened, hara...
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Mirror, mirror on the wall........

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ALL OF MY FAILURES HAVE BEEN SUCCESSES!  Every mistake I make allows me to grow and evolve as long as I recognize and appreciate.   Every person in my life act as a mirror to me and show me if I look deep enough exactly what I am doing in life.   They provide me a glimpse of myself from the outside in.  As I sit and look at my life,  I realize I have lived for so long staring in the mirror and choosing not to see the goodness that those in my life represent and show, but focusing and obsessing on the negative.  This is so telling of what goes on inside of me.... I find myself ugly, weak and so fucking afraid.  I run away from myself, my wants, my desires and what truly makes me happy.  This is evident from the lines that have formed on my face, the sadness and heaviness in my eyes and the constant whirlwind that lives in my chest and stomach.  Yet, when I look past the images in the mirror that are ugly and negative I see love, t...
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Self Judgment

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Judgment comes from our experiences, from the way we view the world, comes from our "beliefs" that we have learned and ultimately hold as our truths.  Wouldn't it be beautiful if we could release the judgment we hold in our heads, especially the judgment we place on ourselves.  I've been traveling down a path that was carefully orchestrated just for me.  I created it and when it became mundane or boring I added more.  Picture a  path in the middle of a beautiful open space.  At the beginning it starts just like the yellow brick road in "The Wizard of Oz" (I relate to the lion.....another blog :) ).  It is beautiful, big, and seems to go on forever.  There are portions of the road when I look further down the road where it seems to vanish (I know now those are the dips in my journey).  I can see a beautiful light, rainbow (I love rainbows.....they are magical) and the beauty from the light helps me continue.  I made sure the light came...
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