~Lessons Learned~

This happens when you move away from you!  Have you ever found yourself asking "why"?  Or is this really all there is?  I'm not happy where I'm at, but I don't know of anything really that will make me happy.  So I guess I will just make the best of where I'm at?  I was re-reading some journal entries and found I have felt like this ALOT!  I wrote about the feeling.  About how nothing really seemed to give me joy.  How I felt as though I was alone as the world went on around me.  How I so desperately wanted to get out of this feeling, but for the time being, I guess I would just have to deal. I'm glad to say I'm not there currently (yay-I hate that feeling), but realized during my life I have felt so alone even when surrounded by so many.  I continued to read hoping that I had written "my solution" to what helped me so that I could share it with others.  And lo and behold, I stumbled across positive entries.  I changed my w...

I shall pray to live my life right.  To focus on others strengths and not dwell on their weaknesses.  To be compassionate to everyone.  To live life to the fullest.  To care for others.  To control my anger and temper.  To lend my hand.  To direct my ego to take a back seat to my soul.  To step up to wrongs and try to make them right.  To take the first step to forgive and move on.  To always show love and support to my family and friends.  To admit when I'm wrong and work even harder.  Today is the day I better my inner workings by also bettering my outer surroundings.  I won't look for fault - I will look for solutions.  I will work with others and myself instead of against them.  I will forgive myself for my shortcomings.  I shall pray each day to live true to me!

You know the one.  It's the one you put on when you are trying to hide what is really going on inside.  It has half a smile, an attempt at twinkle in your eye.  (My mask has always been the opposite---the one with a frown and squinting eyes).  Either way they are both used for the same thing to try to throw people off from your pain, guilt, sadness, loneliness, etc., etc.  Whichever mask you use, your true friends, people who care about you can see right through them.  These are the people we try to avoid knowing that one word or even that sincere look they give us will make the mask come off and the pain surface.  Sometimes when it gets really bad-we subconsciously seek them out-searching, yearning for someone to help with the pain, but not knowing how to ask.  The funny thing about this concept, the mask only "hides" the emotion for a period of time.  It never makes it go away and never makes it get better.  Sweepin...

It's early morning, my eyes are heavy, the coffee is brewing and I find that I just had myself a light bulb moment.  While they can be powerful, they can also be very humbling.  For me so many times, my light bulb moment comes with the realization I don't know everything!!!  And yes mom, this has to do with my sweet angel. My daughter is my pride and joy.  I have a hard time letting go-(I knew this several years ago).  Like any other parent I want nothing but the best for her.  Yet sometimes my stubbornness gets in the way of seeing what I think she needs and what she really needs are two different things.  I usually push her out of the way as I go for it.  She smiles that ever so loving half smile, silently scolding me in the most love able way for once again "getting in the way".  Now don't get me wrong, she talks to me, she cries to me, but the thing I noticed is all I need to do is "be there" when she needs to come to me.  She know...

I'm in the process of manifesting a new home, a new job (I've always wanted to be a writer) and as I write this blog, I see them clear as day. Is there something in your life you desire?  Something you have dreamed about, but figured that is all it would ever be is a dream?  That your dreams are elusive, always in front of you and no matter how hard you try you never seem to catch up to them?  Well change your mind and you will have anything you want.  Don't chase it, stop, focus and believe and it will come to you.  HOWEVER, do not miss out on the opportunities. During the past year, I have manifested a new vehicle, my father moving home and the one of the coolest things,  I called a friend asked her if she wanted help in manifesting a baby (she had been trying for a long time).  Her immediate answer YES!!!  We began, I sent her a link from the Internet that said she would be pregnant in six weeks and she is now 8 weeks along----Congratulatio...

I find it interesting who I give my time to and why.  I select people that I think are on the same page as me, as time goes on, I find they aren't even in the same book. I have learned through experience that some people impersonate understanding, compassion or concern, all along trying to convince me they have my best interest at heart.  But yet when the moment calls for them to demonstrate these qualities through action or behavior, then I experience abandonment, rejection betrayal.....along with insensitivity and neglect. I realize that when this happens, the experience defines them not me (except for the part of me that allowed them access to me).  I also have learned that in order for me to gain understanding, I must continue to open my heart to others, that is, if I want to stop hurting.  We shut our hearts and shut others out thinking we are protecting ourselves, when we are on guard we are defensive.  We become unapproachable and unavailable, we look...

Well Christmas came and went (thank god).  I watched as gifts were exchanged, thought put into some, the obligation of Christmas prompting others..  I sat and wondered isn't this what it's all about?  Giving?  Yet, as I opened another gift, it just seemed like something was missing.  That one "gift" that was given that didn't cost anything.  You know the one I'm talking about?  The one that comes straight from the heart the one that reminds you what Christmas is really about.  Giving of our heart.  The day was nearing an end and I had all but forgotten about Christmas, until I received a message.  It was from a dear person in my life who is currently fighting (strike that) working through change in her life.  The change included a key person in her life to not be there on this Christmas day.  I watched as she went through the day with a "numbness" about her, yet always with a smile for anyone that needed it.  I figured the...