STICKING YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND

How many times has a problem, an argument come up and the way you deal with it is to stick your head in the sand and hope that it will eventually pass and you won't have to deal with it? I see and hear this coping mechanism done often.

Have you ever noticed that when you pop your head back out........the problem is still there?  It's the same thing as retreating or running away to try to handle a situation.

I grew up watching my parents use the run and chase method as the way they dealt with issues. My father retreated and my mother chased, she wanted the issue dealt with and over.  So I pretty much found myself in relationships doing the same thing, for those that know me, yes I was the chaser the one wanting an issue dealt with and discussed.  The thing I found out is both are unhealthy.  Don't get me wrong getting an issue dealt with is always the key, however, when I had to chase someone, the more intense the issue became for me.  The more someone would retreat from me the more it solidified in my mind I was right and oh my god that was a dangerous thought to have in my head.  If I thought I was right I would chase you to the ends of the earth to make sure you knew it.  All that did was eventually turn me into a chaser that wanted to be right, not a chaser that wanted the problem dealt with.  

The runner had it easy or at least i thought so, they walked away from an issue or a problem, took some alone time and then came back all ZEN and stuff and then figured life should just continue on from where they walked away!!!  Uh, no!!!  The chaser was still pissed and even more insulted now that the runner thought he could decide how the issue would be dealt with, by now the issue and solution were so murky and unclear with all the other thoughts and emotions still swirling that it was almost impossible for either one to know where to begin to deal with the issue.  So the issue was pushed to the side (and YES-ALWAYS YES) that issue came up again and again until it was resolved.

So, what finally helped curve my chaser mentality and how do you fix the sticking your head in the sand syndrome????? One word-COMMUNICATION. Now I'm not talking about the blame game, well you did this or said this so I did this, but taking the time to speak from your emotions, taking responsibility for your actions for what you did or said and why.  Also, look at why the situation caused you emotional discord and let the other person know.  We can't change what we don't know and we all know men and women especially think and talk differently.  Honest communication is always the key.  Do not be afraid to speak your truth, but also do not be afraid to hear the truth from another.