EVER FELT ALONE IN A CROWDED ROOM
Of course you have.........everyone has........that sinking feeling, that feeling of does anyone even see me in the midst of this crowd, does anyone even care, could I slip out the back and the space that I'm occupying right now would be filled in an instant? That not knowing, not being able to put your finger on it, but feeling as though you are just as lonely in a crowd as you are when you're all alone.
Been there, done that and I find that when I get to this point, I agonize over doing the things that would put me in a crowd, like going to work, sitting in the living room with the family, going out with friends, even going shopping. I want it done and over with quick and swift. Yet, at the same time I fear my alone time as I know this is the time for all of the "thoughts" to come flooding into my head, further isolating me from the world. I quickly at this point, pick up the phone, turn on the TV, grab a book, etc and find that afterwards, I don't remember the conversation I had on the phone, the TV show or a word I read in the book. I have been told I think too much!!!
So, how does one pull themselves out of the funk? Well for me, since anxiety (which is usually the culprit for this funk) is the same thing as fear, I do something that has been plaguing my mind as a fear. Most of the time, when I get to this level, I truly find that my stubbornness and pride has gotten in my way and the fear is acknowledging my wrong doings and reaching out to whomever it is I feel the most I have been pushing against. I did this with my father over and over again, when he left the family. I struggled with the loss and my anger, which I suddenly realized was causing the pain, I would then reach out to him, if with nothing but a phone call to say I miss you. Isolation comes a lot from our ego, fearing rejection, hurt, pain, etc., we tend to retreat to ourselves conducting our own pity parties that can get completely out of whack. So listen to your heart ALWAYS, when fear and the darkness start to settle in your mind, look to your heart and open your mouth. Thank you mom and Lonee (and my countless friends) for listening! But most of all I thank myself for having the courage to reach out when I needed it most.
Live in the light, live in your heart!
Been there, done that and I find that when I get to this point, I agonize over doing the things that would put me in a crowd, like going to work, sitting in the living room with the family, going out with friends, even going shopping. I want it done and over with quick and swift. Yet, at the same time I fear my alone time as I know this is the time for all of the "thoughts" to come flooding into my head, further isolating me from the world. I quickly at this point, pick up the phone, turn on the TV, grab a book, etc and find that afterwards, I don't remember the conversation I had on the phone, the TV show or a word I read in the book. I have been told I think too much!!!
So, how does one pull themselves out of the funk? Well for me, since anxiety (which is usually the culprit for this funk) is the same thing as fear, I do something that has been plaguing my mind as a fear. Most of the time, when I get to this level, I truly find that my stubbornness and pride has gotten in my way and the fear is acknowledging my wrong doings and reaching out to whomever it is I feel the most I have been pushing against. I did this with my father over and over again, when he left the family. I struggled with the loss and my anger, which I suddenly realized was causing the pain, I would then reach out to him, if with nothing but a phone call to say I miss you. Isolation comes a lot from our ego, fearing rejection, hurt, pain, etc., we tend to retreat to ourselves conducting our own pity parties that can get completely out of whack. So listen to your heart ALWAYS, when fear and the darkness start to settle in your mind, look to your heart and open your mouth. Thank you mom and Lonee (and my countless friends) for listening! But most of all I thank myself for having the courage to reach out when I needed it most.
Live in the light, live in your heart!
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