Control
Control......................A word that has described me for most of my life. A word that until recently, I viewed as a very strong word. The more I look at ALL that my mind tries to control, the word fear always seems to accompany the control. I am now releasing my control of everything in my life that is not mine to control. The strength and the power has found its way into my life.
Do you control? I'll bet you do and I'll bet if asked you would say it is done with nothing but good intentions. I know my control was always dripping with "love". Yet, when I step away and look at it as a neutral viewer, I see how much I was stifling things and people around me. Even my own growth. As I choose to give up control over others around me, the unnecessary burden I placed on my shoulders, magically disappears. Yes, once again it is as easy as changing your mind. Don't get me wrong, I tend to revert back to old habits now and again, yet when I feel the tightening in my shoulders and the pit in my stomach, I quickly look at the situation own what I can and let go of the rest. You have to allow others to grow and experience on their own at their own pace. We all have our own journey and we are only responsible for OUR parts played in the journey. People and situations will continually come into our lives, it is our decision whether we "live" through it or try to "control" where it goes. Allow life to flow through you. Allow others to allow the flow how they see fit for them. You don't have to agree, but the more you resist it the more angry you become for someone else. Stay in your own space, keep it positive, open and loving. Others and situations around you will change by your example, never by your pushing.
Lead by example. :)
Do you control? I'll bet you do and I'll bet if asked you would say it is done with nothing but good intentions. I know my control was always dripping with "love". Yet, when I step away and look at it as a neutral viewer, I see how much I was stifling things and people around me. Even my own growth. As I choose to give up control over others around me, the unnecessary burden I placed on my shoulders, magically disappears. Yes, once again it is as easy as changing your mind. Don't get me wrong, I tend to revert back to old habits now and again, yet when I feel the tightening in my shoulders and the pit in my stomach, I quickly look at the situation own what I can and let go of the rest. You have to allow others to grow and experience on their own at their own pace. We all have our own journey and we are only responsible for OUR parts played in the journey. People and situations will continually come into our lives, it is our decision whether we "live" through it or try to "control" where it goes. Allow life to flow through you. Allow others to allow the flow how they see fit for them. You don't have to agree, but the more you resist it the more angry you become for someone else. Stay in your own space, keep it positive, open and loving. Others and situations around you will change by your example, never by your pushing.
Lead by example. :)
Miss Michelle,
ReplyDeleteMy husband, being a full 100% Libra, is very impressed with your blog. He believes I should ask the question again about Gary.
Well ask :) and I shall answer!
ReplyDeleteRight on! So I bouncing the idea of looking up Gary with Jeff, and he believes I should. So tell me that what you know, everything you know please, of course. :)
ReplyDeleteI realize I may even get hurt, but I'd like to know. My little husband also believes in the same as you as far as control, me, a work in progress for him.
Want this conversation to be on the blog or take it off-line?
ReplyDeleteMy question to you my dear friend, is why? Are you curious as to what he is doing? Who he has become? Etc? Are there unresolved feelings? Anger? While I applaud your husband's support, I question your motive? I feel as though you struggle to live successfully in the "now" because fear grips your every belief. Therefore, you tend to re-live and enjoy the past. It is behind you and you bask in the glory days of when you feel you had control of your life. You want to touch it at times, even step back in time when things made sense to you and you felt as though you had the answers to problems. You must choose to embrace your past and release it. The only purpose it serves now is for wonderful memories and "lessons learned" or lessons you are still learning. Gary was a huge part of that time of your life, a piece of the puzzle that you cherished but couldn't control. There was a lot of pain and you wonder often if things would have been different if you would have made different choices. Well of course they would have, silly. BUT they weren't to be made---never second guess your choices, wrong or right, we make them because of where we are at in our life. Life is nothing but a classroom. The pain, love, and happiness we experience is to assist us along our journey. Taking time long enough to reflect on our choices either learning from them and letting them go or appreciating them.
ReplyDeleteI sense a "need" for you to reach out. I would ask you to sit with this question. Then let me know your answser?
Wow, that's more than I expected. It took me more than one time reading it to understand what I think you are trying to say. Not the sharpest, you know. You are seriously good, and really quick, but I always knews that. Michelle, I wonder how Gary is, if he's ok, how's his health is, how his life has been, and basically what he's been up to. Gary & Jeff have actually met, and since I have 3 grown & married sons, with 6 grandchildren, and I only know of one daughter for him, I just want to catch up. I am not trying to see any signs of feelings today to validate back then and I promise I'm not the desperate for his love, young girl I used to be. I would just like to reach out to see how he is & has been. I've heard he had some medical problems & I would like to know how he is. The problem lies in no one is willing to tell me if he is even alive, married, dead or what, and I'm not exactly sure why. As you may recall, Jeff said it was a "Dance", that even he didn't understand. Maybe that's done out of love for me, and concern for my feelings. I'm not exactly sure, but I'm also not sure I have a need to even really go see him, if someone could tell me any information about him, You know I did love him and the way things went down with us messed me up for a very long time, probably more than anyone will ever know. but even though I may bitch today, I wouldn't trade anything I have right now for anything, and I know I had to go through every bit of what I did in order to get here. So I mean it, when I say that the past is just that, the past. You damn Libra's, are not only irritatingly rational and "fair", but you must also be the people I love the most!
ReplyDeleteWell then by all means, seek him out.
ReplyDeleteI asked the hard questions because seeking out someone from the past can be scary and intrusive, it can also be wonderful and exciting.
I would say start with his brother on facebook. Or search out his friends on facebook and ask them. My info on him has been here and there for years that I'm not sure which piece came first. I do believe he is living with his mother, but unsure where.
I noticed a Dana Astorga, from the pics it looks like she is Donald's new bride. Maybe you could email her and ask her to ask Donald for some info. Maybe he would know how to find Gary.
Good luck to you my dear friend on your quest. May you find what you are searching for!