FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is a word I have struggled with for years. Is it a thought or an action? The dictionary shows it to be a noun. One definition I really like: giving up my right to hurt you, for hurting me. For so long, the only way for me to forgive was first and foremost vengeance. An eye for an eye. You hurt me, I'll hurt you twice as bad. It will be over and we will move on. HA! Little did I know, it fueled hatred and distain in my heart. There was never forgiveness and there was never really any way for forward movement. I remained stuck and created more pain than was there before. But when bad "things" stay bottled up, they have a way of finding ugly ways to come out, whether it is physical ailments, karma kicking your ass AGAIN, or loneliness. I have experienced all of them. Still do, but not as much.
It wasn't until God looked down through the clouds at the huge chip I carried ever so proudly on my shoulder and shook his head in disgust. "Really, Michelle, are you that bull-headed." Yes I was. (I use the word bull-headed, even though STUPID, is the word he was thinking) That he decided without a little help, I would never get it right. So, thankfully, he sent me an Angel. I call her my daughter (I have learned more from her than any one person, any book, or any experience-and it has all been by example).
A few years ago, she had her heart broken by a "friend". Watching her sorrow, fueled my anger and vengeance and once again they danced in my head. I'll never forget the day, I was on the phone with my mother discussing the upcoming demise of the "friend", when my daughter rushed to me and told me this: the "friend" had relayed their guilt, sorrow and pain for hurting my daughter to her best friend. My daughter looked at me with great conviction in her eyes and told me she was going to contact the "friend". She would never allow someone to go through the pain she had been experiencing if she could do something to alleviate it. She was going to the "friend" to provide comfort.
My mouth remained open as I watched her walk away. I remember being speechless. She taught me at that moment that forgiveness is intertwined with compassion.
It wasn't until God looked down through the clouds at the huge chip I carried ever so proudly on my shoulder and shook his head in disgust. "Really, Michelle, are you that bull-headed." Yes I was. (I use the word bull-headed, even though STUPID, is the word he was thinking) That he decided without a little help, I would never get it right. So, thankfully, he sent me an Angel. I call her my daughter (I have learned more from her than any one person, any book, or any experience-and it has all been by example).
A few years ago, she had her heart broken by a "friend". Watching her sorrow, fueled my anger and vengeance and once again they danced in my head. I'll never forget the day, I was on the phone with my mother discussing the upcoming demise of the "friend", when my daughter rushed to me and told me this: the "friend" had relayed their guilt, sorrow and pain for hurting my daughter to her best friend. My daughter looked at me with great conviction in her eyes and told me she was going to contact the "friend". She would never allow someone to go through the pain she had been experiencing if she could do something to alleviate it. She was going to the "friend" to provide comfort.
My mouth remained open as I watched her walk away. I remember being speechless. She taught me at that moment that forgiveness is intertwined with compassion.
I love when you write your thoughts, ideas and passions down, you are so eloquent in how you express things.
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much for sharing this with me.
Love ya,
Julietta